Shouting, controlling, and yelling are often expressions of inner pain. Behind those actions, there might be feelings of insecurity, anger, or disappointment. These actions represent unmet needs such as safety, understanding, and respect. Yelling and shouting back might trigger more pain and result in harm.
When that pain is directed at you, remember this truth: caring for yourself is not vanity, it is sanity. You can notice what is happening without taking it into your heart. You can observe, and not absorb.

If your partner or someone close to you is emotionally overwhelmed, you may choose to listen with empathy. Empathy is a way of being present without trying to fix anything. It is a gift you may offer, and it only has meaning when it comes from your willingness. You are not responsible for feelings that belong to another person, though we can empathise.

Nonviolent Communication reminds us that true giving flows from willingness, never from duty or obligation.
Trust is personal. If someone has lost it, they can take responsibility to rebuild it. Healing is also a personal choice. Sometimes it seems that we do not have a choice, while in reality we often have more choices than we realise. You may choose to walk beside someone, and that choice matters when it comes from your heart.

Many people try to escape from painful or unfinished relationships without facing the truth. What is not transformed is often transferred. When conflict is ignored, it tends to retu
again and again.

A daily example: One partner comes home from work tired and raises their voice about the food not being ready. Instead of reacting with anger or fear, the other partner pauses, takes a breath, and responds: “When I hear your voice is loud, I imagine you might be frustrated and perhaps had a stressful day. Maybe you long for understanding, peace or something to eat or drink. At the same time, I feel tense when your voice is raised. I long for peace and respect in our home. Would you like us to first have some tea or food, and then talk when you feel calmer?”

In that moment, there is no blame and no silence. There is empathy, honesty, and a reminder that both people’s needs matter. Empathy for yourself and for others is the soil where healing can grow. It is difficult to overcome struggles that you continue to welcome into your life.

What would change for you if you stood in empathy and honesty, and no longer gave others the power to harm you?

It may sound easier to say than to practice. Would you like to lea
how to use your inner power to face conflict inside yourself and with others? I offer one-to-one and group sessions where we practice exactly that: balancing empathy for others with empathy for self.

Book a session with me here: www.listenandconnect.org

Reflection: How do you care for yourself while staying connected to others?

Disqmas Nsengiyaremye, Owner, Listening and Speaking for Connection.